tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82358021519508824332024-03-18T23:26:28.942-04:00Pink Aversion: A Cancer Survivorship ManifestoPink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-18116053234895449312015-09-29T19:24:00.001-04:002015-09-29T19:30:06.141-04:005 Years<b>5 years.</b><br />
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That is a big number. One that we all strive for. What does it mean? 5 years is great. But I want more.<br />
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It was on September 29, 2010 that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. On that day my life completely changed but I can honestly say that the last 5 years have been my best years yet. At that point 5 years ago, I felt my life was directionless and at age 27, I was struggling to find my path. In the days after my diagnosis, I made a pledge to myself. I promised that I would not let cancer take anything away from me, but that instead, I would take everything I could from cancer. I'm happy to report that I have kept this pledge.<br />
<br />
In the 5 years since I was diagnosed...<br />
<br />
I changed my job and lowered my stress. I am in the process of evolving my career and started grad school to get my MSW.<br />
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I have gotten involved with some incredible cancer support organizations (<a href="http://www.smithcenter.org/" target="_blank">Smith Center for Healing and the Arts</a>, <a href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/" target="_blank">Young Survival Coalition</a>, <a href="http://ulmanfund.org/" target="_blank">Ulman Cancer Fund</a>).<br />
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I've met countless, inspiring young survivors. I've made incredible friends who continue to inspire me and lost others long before I should have.<br />
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I learned how to run and have completed numerous 5k's and a 10k. I re-learned how to ride a bike and completed the 3 day bike ride Tour de Pink.<br />
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I married my best friend (love you Ben!) and discovered a beautiful new place (Palisade, CO) and a supportive pink family in <a href="http://www.cherylungargives.com/" target="_blank">The Wedding Pink</a> (Thanks Cheryl).<br />
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I trained as an Integrative Patient Navigator and serve as a survivor mentor through a couple of organizations.<br />
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I have sat with and listened to many other young women and men diagnosed with cancer much too young; I've shared my experiences and tried to learn from theirs.<br />
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I have attended conferences and trainings and visited so many new places as a result (Denver, Houston, San Diego, Seattle, Nashville, Indianapolis, Chicago...).<br />
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I graduated from <a href="http://www.breastcancerdeadline2020.org/" target="_blank">Project LEAD</a> and became a trained patient advocate serving on DOD research review panels and am a member of the <a href="https://sites.google.com/a/georgetown.edu/glbcpac/" target="_blank">Georgetown Breast Cancer Advocates</a>.<br />
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I've become a calmer and more even-keeled person.<br />
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I'm trying to be a healthier person and that is an ongoing process.<br />
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I strive to keep learning, keep growing and keep sharing.<br />
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I try to always count my blessing.<br />
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Thank you to my amazing family who has been with me through these 5 years (thanks Mom!).<br />
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This is not meant to be a laundry list of accomplishments or accolades. This list is simply the evidence to show that I've kept my pledge and that I'm still working on the greatest accomplishment yet: I'm LIVING.<br />
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Not just breathing and existing, but truly living life and enjoying it.<br />
<span lang="" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"></span><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Here's to five years down and fifty+ to go!</span></b>Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-80442191223850670452012-09-18T14:28:00.002-04:002012-09-18T14:28:20.723-04:002012: Year in ReviewI just realized its been over a year since I last posted here and what an eventful year it has been. First of all, check out how long my hair is now!!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbl3Rm76xrOGVXrLQB0GDMpEEpX0eCHYL_d30_wCUgHWxYhp8PmWwUbUOwV-W-l5y2P132MvQbdDgAeCiG73Zz7PoJSB4_lv9ZMzUtxN0NUMpvMKBVNtKuDkPMuBr8r4bTZ-wiIQTJ3hmH/s1600/165845_466361086725181_238321197_a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbl3Rm76xrOGVXrLQB0GDMpEEpX0eCHYL_d30_wCUgHWxYhp8PmWwUbUOwV-W-l5y2P132MvQbdDgAeCiG73Zz7PoJSB4_lv9ZMzUtxN0NUMpvMKBVNtKuDkPMuBr8r4bTZ-wiIQTJ3hmH/s200/165845_466361086725181_238321197_a.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Katie with Scar Project photographer David Jay</td></tr>
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At the start of 2012, I declared that 2012 would be my best year yet and it has (mostly) lived up to that so far with a few rather large exceptions. Let me review some of the highlights:<br />
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I started a new job working at a DC cancer support non-profit, Smith Center for Healing and the Arts. I love working here. The environment is so healthy and relaxing -- my stress level has been reduced greatly and I feel healthier. <br />
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I also participated in a program called Cancer to 5k in the spring and successfully trained to run my first 5k in early June. I ran the Komen Race for the Cure 5k (ran the whole thing, no walking) on a Saturday and then turned around to run a second 5k (the CT5K goal race) on Sunday. I even beat my time from Saturday! I began training in August to run a 10k (a rather daunting goal, but we'll see how it goes). My goal race is on November 11 in DC, so I'll report back on what happens. I'm not going for speed, I just want to complete the race.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvIOQ2ggAGn-R4rfITOABjfgF7AzzoNBqPwch6Xb4ZWBDbOiZKTGsuBJhs_yq_CC54idg2TlR6Oj176tD1sJj_uM5UejQ2_kh-30l1E9ywKfHqJtpwksPBfFrAUw3vZdI7puLQhB8z2VrY/s1600/540042_10151022173741522_1140106601_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvIOQ2ggAGn-R4rfITOABjfgF7AzzoNBqPwch6Xb4ZWBDbOiZKTGsuBJhs_yq_CC54idg2TlR6Oj176tD1sJj_uM5UejQ2_kh-30l1E9ywKfHqJtpwksPBfFrAUw3vZdI7puLQhB8z2VrY/s320/540042_10151022173741522_1140106601_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me (far left) running in Cancer to 5K goal race, June 2012</td></tr>
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I traveled to New Orleans (in February) for the Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer. What a great experience. Not only did I get to experience an fascinating city (once I left Bourbon St) and amazing food, but I also got to meet some wonderful young women who encouraged and inspired me with their stories. <br />
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In June I got to travel to New Hampshire to attend the wedding of two of my favorite people, Katie and Kent and got to experience just how beautiful and serene NH is. Ben and I had an amazing time with friends and can't wait to find an excuse to go back. <br />
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This weekend, I will head to Nashville to participate in the Women Rock for the Cure retreat. Its a weekend of wellness and bonding for young women breast cancer survivors and I get to attend with another one of my favorite survivors, Tara. <br />
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On a less than happy note, there were a few "setbacks" to my amazing year. There have been a few of my fellow young survivor friends that have had reoccurrence and are now dealing with treatment for a second time. While I can only begin to imagine what they are feeling and going through, its definitely unsettling when you face the fact that even though you gave your all to battle this disease, there is always the possibility that you'll have to do it again. The thought is always in the back of your head, but once you have close friends facing it, the fears and possibility becomes much more real. <br />
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The most notable "setback" was my father's diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in early July. It came out of nowhere and everything happened so quickly. We watched his strength and health deteriorate (with the help of chemo) over a 4 week period and he passed away on August 2, 2012. I felt like I was facing his death with mixed emotions. On one hand I was obviously saddened and devastated by the fact that I would no longer have my father in my life, but on the other hand, I was so relieved to know that he wouldn't be suffering in pain any longer. Those last 4 weeks were not the most comfortable ones for him and I hated to see him so helpless - a feeling which I knew he hated to experience. And while the whole experience was not one I enjoyed, I did feel like I was stronger and better able to handle the hardships and grief because of what I had gone through with my breast cancer. I had already been severely tested and I knew that I was strong, so I just had to keep my wits about me and rely on Ben, my friends and my family when I needed strength and support. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ2nQLO8E_mWMwaKtw3TgNj8M9F7RRb8qUl8_uNMQ-58wPDV74LmWja9Mn9bfLUy_v7QS4QQfRXZ-7IIP6rgT2y39BpmaiI-A8S_LJuj_zz3sIE0SVogDKr6XZw0F_5lPpIDZLvWr24G9Z/s1600/599643_758210283611_1998143375_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ2nQLO8E_mWMwaKtw3TgNj8M9F7RRb8qUl8_uNMQ-58wPDV74LmWja9Mn9bfLUy_v7QS4QQfRXZ-7IIP6rgT2y39BpmaiI-A8S_LJuj_zz3sIE0SVogDKr6XZw0F_5lPpIDZLvWr24G9Z/s320/599643_758210283611_1998143375_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me (age 7?) and my father</td></tr>
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Luckily, thats not where the story ends and shortly after my father passed away I was fortunate enough to receive some very good news. A few days after the funeral, a friend forwarded an email to me regarding a contest. The contest, which was sponsored by Colorado photographer Cheryl Ungar, was directed toward people who had been impacted by breast cancer and was for a free wedding. The entry form was simple, I just had to tell the story of Ben and I, i.e. write a couple of paragraphs about my diagnosis, his strength and support through not only that, but my father's death, and how we met. Easy. The wedding was to be held in Palisade, CO in a wine country vineyard in May 2013. I'd never been to Colorado, but I did like wine, so I figured, "why not?" Fueled by my need for something to look forward to I wrote our story and hit the submit button, then put it in the back of my mind. Since I figured it was a long shot (this was a CO based organization after all and we are all the way in VA) I didn't tell anyone that I had entered (except for Ben obviously and the friend who sent me contest email). About a week later I received a call from the woman who won a wedding through the contest two years ago. She wanted to verify that I understood that the wedding was in CO and that we would have to travel there and I'm sure she wanted to gauge how serious I was about my entry. The call went well and I hung up feeling a little optimistic, but not wanting to get my hopes up. (Though I do have to admit, from the moment I entered I had a feeling in my bones that we would win). (-;<br />
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Maybe a week later, they contacted me again and said they wanted to interview Ben and I. According to their website, they were going to interview all of the finalists before making a final decision, so I knew not to celebrate yet. But again, I thought we had a really good shot at winner. I'm confident Ben didn't think we had a chance. About a week after that, I received a call from Cheryl while driving home with Ben. I put it on speakerphone and she announced that we had been selected as the 2013 recipients of The Wedding Pink. Then came the processing. Ben and I had just won a huge $35,000 wedding. Sure, we had been talking about getting married, but no concrete plans had been set and we weren't officially engaged. We both had to take a little time to get over the shock of winning and get used to the idea that not only were we going to get married, but that we also already had a date set (just 9 months away) and most of the details were set. After about a week of digesting, we settled into yet another "new normal" and we began to announce the good news. Everyone was completely shocked (as were we) but we've received nothing but love and support from all of our family and friends. I guess once you are with someone for 7 years and you go through all the things we've been through, no one is going to try and talk to you out of getting married. <br />
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We were officially announced as the winners on September 4 and you can read my entry here: http://www.cherylungargives.com/meet-erin-ben/<br />
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Once we found out that we had won, I immediately went into planning mode. Of course. I've renewed my love of pinterest and I'm sure all of my followers are sick of me posting wedding and dress ideas, but get used to it! We've started preliminary planning with Cheryl and our wedding planner, Chelsea Lorean of Chelsea Allie Wedding Planning and Design. We also had a quick photo shoot with an amazing DC based photographer, Cameron Davidson so that they could get photos for the website. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_VPhrlJIFRjMaN_0y0H23VMNT2gTOlpx_yOcFP8rmT8Uanxqslgve9fnjHlENOCl4Ax9bldfxNUoTEGJPl2pMuIGDTDT6-i_pYmKAovySPR-bdXCHOxlOaaKyLXLDpEd3dWjrCShNhxy/s1600/CD_2012_0830_wedding_pink_0003.nef.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_VPhrlJIFRjMaN_0y0H23VMNT2gTOlpx_yOcFP8rmT8Uanxqslgve9fnjHlENOCl4Ax9bldfxNUoTEGJPl2pMuIGDTDT6-i_pYmKAovySPR-bdXCHOxlOaaKyLXLDpEd3dWjrCShNhxy/s320/CD_2012_0830_wedding_pink_0003.nef.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From The Wedding Pink announcement photo shoot by Cameron Davidson</td></tr>
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We are flying out to Colorado in early October to start planning in person and to meet all of our amazing vendors who are donating their services. I'll get to start dress shopping soon and begin putting together the most amazing party Colorado (or DC) has ever seen! ;) I'll share more on our adventures of planning for The Wedding Pink over the next few months.<br />
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And while I'm not one who would usually think this, I do feel like my father might have had a hand in me winning this contest. He loved the mountains (CO) and he loved me and wanted the best of everything for me. And while I get emotional at the thought of him not being there to walk me down the aisle and dance with me, I'm so excited to be a part of this wedding because I feel like he would have loved everything about it. <br />
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Bottom line: I can't wait for the rest of 2012! We are going on a cruise at the end of November (yay!) and I'm turning the big 3-0 (yikes!!!!) at the end of December. And now I know that 2013 (the year-long celebration of my 30th year of life) will be amazing as well. <br />
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Love you all!<br />
<br />
ErinPink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-27324945773254998252011-08-24T18:28:00.000-04:002011-08-24T18:28:01.413-04:00The New Normal?It has been quite awhile since I last wrote on here, but its been an eventful summer. I've been staying busy with work, travel, weddings, dinners, ballroom dance class, pottery class, earthquakes and just life in general. Which is fantastic. <br />
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I've been feeling normal and well and I've got at least an inch of thick hair growing in. Its almost like I can pretend the past year never happened. Almost. There are still a few tell tale signs, but for the most part my daily life doesn't suggest that any of this ever happened. And I really have mixed feelings about that. I can walk down the street and no one would know what I've been through this year. You could look at me, talk to me and never know. On one hand, when I was going through chemo and bald and tired all the time, I craved normalcy. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel "normal" again -- thats the best and most effective way to describe it. I wanted nothing more than to have this all behind me. Now that its behind me and the events of the last year are starting to get fuzzy and blur together, I'm trying hard to remember. Yes, I'm grateful to feel like myself again, but the truth is this whole ordeal is a huge part of who I am now. I've gained a lot of patience and strength from the experience and I don't want to lose any of that. I don't want to forget what I went through and I don't want to take any of it for granted. <br />
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So now I struggle with walking the line of moving forward, but holding on to at least a piece of what I've been through. <br />
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And I'm not quite done yet. Two weeks from today I will have my (hopefully final) surgery to finish up my reconstruction. I'm very eager to get it done and truly be able to have the major stuff behind me. Once I'm done with surgery, the only piece of treatment I have left is my Tamoxifen - which is a pill I will be taking every day for the next 5 years (technically 4 years, 8 months now). Tamoxifen is not the worst thing ever (especially when you compare it to chemo), but its not exactly a barrel of laughs either. The biggest side effect is hot flashes -- which I experience multiple times every day. They are definitely manageable, but annoying. And it does interrupt my sleep, as I wake up throughout the night too hot or too cold, but I think I've gotten used to that for the most part. <br />
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But back to surgery, on September 7 at 9am, I'll start what will hopefully be my last surgical procedure for a long time. Can't wait!<br />
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The other interesting aspect to my lift right now is that I'm starting to experience all of my 1 year "cancer-versaries". July 4th weekend was the 1 year of when I first found the lump and all through August/September, I was getting tests done. September 29 will mark 1 year since I was diagnosed and October will be when my <i>Pink Aversion</i> (and this blog) first began. October will definitely be more meaningful this year and I'll be able to tolerate Breast Cancer Awareness Month much better than I could last year. October is will also be the 1 year from when I started chemo. I'm a little nervous that the cold, crisp fall air is going to make me think of chemo, but I'm planning to keep myself very busy and distracted just incase. Regardless, this year is going to be about a lot of reflecting and a lot of celebrating, so I hope you will all plan on joining me as I commemorate all of my 1 year "cancer-versaries" this year.<br />
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I'm going to try and post a little more regularly to this thing and I hope to have some photos up soon too, so you can see more of my hair "evolution". <br />
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:o)<br />
<br />
Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-2416861182710852162011-03-24T19:47:00.000-04:002011-03-24T19:47:01.497-04:00These boots were made for walkingIts been one week since surgery and I feel pretty good. Overall, I have to say that surgery was much easier than I expected it to be. I never really felt like complete crap afterward and with the exception of being tired or being sore, I've felt great from the start of recovery. Once again, this whole experience has been defined by the notion that nothing is as bad as what I anticipate before hand -- which is great!<br />
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After my surgery on St. Patrick's Day, I spent the night in the hospital and was discharged the following day around noon. Since then, I've been quietly recovering at home and going to follow-up doctor's appointments. The drugs they gave me really made me feel great (but sleepy) for the first few days. I'm not on quite as much now, but I am holding on to the pain medication. :o) I still have tubes sticking out of me, which are highly annoying. They are there to drain excess fluid from the surgical site, but I'm very ready to have them gone. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to have one removed tomorrow, but I fear I may be living with the other one for a few more days.<br />
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As I've been sitting at home, I've been catching up on my day time television. I'm really enjoying the home improvement and landscaping shows and I've also just discovered this very entertaining blog: http://www.younghouselove.com/about-2/. Perhaps some DIY projects are in my future.<br />
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I've also seen substantial hair growth over the last couple weeks. Its still very early, but I hope to have enough to have a real head covering do in the next month. I'm crossing my fingers anyway. <br />
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I mentioned earlier that I've been going to doctors appointments while I'm recovering. Yesterday I went to see my oncologist for the first time since I finished chemo. She had the results of my pathology report from the surgery and then news was very surprising. I knew at the time of my surgery that my lymph nodes initially came back clear (only 2 were removed), but they did further testing afterward. It turns out that my lymph nodes are completely clear and that my tumor was mostly DCIS (pre-cancerous cells) and just little specks of invasive cancer, which is fantastic. Now because of these two findings and the fact that I had a mastectomy and removed all of my breast tissue, I found out that I no longer need to have radiation. I'm so happy that I can cut that phase of treatment out of my plan and start moving toward the end. This means I can have my reconstruction completed sooner and most importantly, can start making plans for the next few months since I know I won't have to work around a daily radiation schedule. So once Ben is finished with tax season we might actually be able to take a trip somewhere or take a long weekend, something we haven't been able to do since last summer. <br />
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I also received my prescription for Tamoxifen, which is the final stage of my treatment. Its a pill that I will take for up to 5 years and it is used to block estrogen and prevent estrogen positive cancer cells from growing. It does have some side effects, like hot flashes, but I'm hoping for the best.<br />
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It's weird to think that with the exception of taking a pill and some additional cosmetic reconstruction, my treatment is essentially over, especially when I was prepared for more. But even though I'm coming to the end of my active treatment, I'm still not ready to be done with the cause. I'm still looking to connect with others who are going through this and to help anyone diagnosed in the future. I a lot left to contribute. So as a capstone to my initial fight and as a stepping off point for the next phase, I'm planning to participate in the 2011 Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure. Since I'm still recovering from treatment, I'm only planning to participate in the 5k walk, but I'm hoping to enlist everyone who has supported me over the last few months to join me. <br />
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So here come my plea: if you are able, please go to this link and sign up to join my team for the walk on June 4 in Washington DC (and please feel free to invite anyone else to join who may be interested). <strong><span></span></strong><strong><a href="http://globalrace.info-komen.org/goto/TeamErin" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span>http://globalrace.info-komen.o</span><wbr></wbr><span class="word_break"></span>rg/goto/TeamErin</a></strong><strong></strong><br />
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If you can't join but would like to contribute to our team, then of course I welcome that support as well. I hope that we can turn this day into a celebration to mark the end of my treatment and walk together for a great cause. Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-89250683020050514942011-03-05T12:56:00.000-05:002011-03-05T12:56:58.408-05:00Moving aheadI'm now 4 weeks out from my last chemo treatment and I'm feeling good. I think my hair is finally starting to grow again, though its hard to tell because I still have some stubble on my head from before. While I'm fine with the whole being bald thing, I am ready to have hair again -- I miss it. <br />
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I've been pretty busy over the last couple weeks. I checked out events for two organizations with groups in DC. YSC (http://www.youngsurvival.org/) and i2y (http://stupidcancer.com/). i2y has these fantastic bracelets: http://www.loserkids.com/product-exec/product_id/15254/nm/i_2_y_Stupid_Cancer_Wristbands_10_pack_/category_id/1213<br />
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I finally got to schedule my surgery (left mastectomy) and its slated for March 17 (St. Patrick's Day). I guess this year I'll be getting green jello instead of green beer. I'll be glad to get the whole thing over with so I can move on to the next step. <br />
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Other than preparing for surgery, I've been feeling pretty good over the last few weeks. It is so so good to feel like myself again -- I only hope I can bounce back from surgery quickly so I can go back to feeling good.Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-22353329606547395622011-02-09T20:10:00.000-05:002011-02-09T20:10:32.422-05:00Back and better than everI'm done with chemo. Done! Done! Done! Done! Done!<br />
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Done!<br />
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:o)<br />
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As many of you know, my last chemo treatment was on Thursday, February 3. Finally, I'm starting to feel like myself again (I'd say I'm currently at about 65-70%) and each day I'm feeling better and getting stronger. Today was a big day for me and I just realized how many positive things have happened over the last week or two that have helped to bring me to my current outlook. As of today, I feel like I have a renewed sense of purpose. I feel excited about things again. And I feel like the first chapter of breast cancer is coming to a close. Sure, I know I'm not done yet, there is still quite a bit to do, but I feel like the hardest part is over and I can handle the next phase much better. Things are starting to come together and everything now feels like its happening for a reason.<br />
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A couple weeks ago, I was stressing out about my surgery options. I felt sure that I was going to have to have a mastectomy due to the size of my tumor and I just couldn't get comfortable with the idea. But after meeting with another surgeon (and having almost completed chemo) I found out that my tumor has shrunken significantly and that a lumpectomy may now be an option. My tumor was initially about 9cm large and is now estimated to be about 5cm. This made me feel so much better. I can always go back and have a mastectomy later if I want, but for now, I'm way more comfortable with the less invasive procedure. I'm still waiting to confirm with my primary surgeon, but I feel good about it.<br />
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Throughout this whole thing, I've been on a quest to find another twenty-something going through what I'm going through. I knew they existed and I'd heard and read about them, but I needed to meet someone to prove to myself that I wasn't alone. But all I had found were women who had breast cancer when they were in their late twenties but now its 5, 10, 20 years later and women who are in their mid thirties- to mid forties who currently have breast cancer. All of these women have been wonderful and great resources, but I still felt like there was something missing. But last week I met a 29 year old going through chemo and last night I met another 28 year old who was just diagnosed. And now I feel a sense of victory. I'm sorry that these women have to deal with this, but it feels good to see another way too-young face whose doing the same thing I am (I say "way too young" because most of the women I've met I think are too young to be dealing with this). <br />
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Finally, as I've mentioned in this blog before, my goal from the beginning of this was to take something away from this whole experience -- to get something good out of it and be able to contribute something back. I do not want this experience to be a waste. Until recently, I was only able to deal with getting through chemo and just making it through everyday, that I wasn't able to see beyond that first hill. But now that I'm over the first hump, I feel like things are starting to fall into place and my purpose is starting to reveal itself. I'm also starting to feel like my old self again. Not who I was 6 months ago, but who I was 2, 3, 5 years ago. This sounds corny, but I feel a new fire in me and the passion and drive I have been lacking for awhile. And it all seems so easy ... things are starting to fall into my lap and make sense and the path just seems so clear that I would be blind if I didn't just follow it. <br />
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Today I was encouraged to start a young women's breast cancer group and for any of you who know me well, this is something that is right up my alley. I've gone to a couple of young women with breast cancer support groups, but they are for women under 40 or 45 and dominated mostly by women in their mid-thirties to mid-forties. These groups are great -- they meet once a month, are facilitated by a counselor and give everyone a chance to air their concerns, talk about their feelings and ask question. What I haven't found is a young women with breast cancer social group. Arlington, Alexandria and DC are filled with young professionals and more and more young women are being diagnosed with breast cancer. When you have breast cancer, you don't want to dwell on it all the time, you want to take the moments when you feel good and have fun -- live life. I have a lot of resources now at my disposal and I think there could be a growing group of women who would be interested in getting together and hanging out with other women like them and doing something fun. Something not related to cancer. <br />
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This is my new project. And I'm excited. I want to get started immediately. I just keep thinking in my head "I'm baaaack!" and it feels so good to feel like this again. <br />
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I realize this whole post may sound extremely corny, cheesy and lame but I'm not sure I really care. <br />
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I also have to say that I'm extremely excited about my end of chemo celebration next Friday (2/19) and I cannot wait to see everyone there. I think I should be back up to at least 95% by then, so be ready to party. I also want to take lots of pictures to document the night, my post-chemo self and my perfectly-shaped for scarf wearing head, so plan to bring your cameras.<br />
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And if you hear of any young women (or anyone really who needs it) with breast cancer whether they are in the area or not, feel free to send them my way. I look forward to being a resource to others who have to go through this. Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-5973108147293186002010-12-30T17:11:00.000-05:002010-12-30T17:13:04.078-05:00Endless RantsIts been quite awhile since my last post. For the most part, I haven't been feeling quite like myself (wonder why?) and just haven't been able to work up the mental energy to blog. That seems to be the biggest side effect I've been facing over the last month and a half. I've been facing a lack of energy or desire to much of anything when I don't absolutely have to. I find that most of the time I'm a lump. It does get better the further I get away from treatments, but it never completely goes away and I always know its going to get worse again. Right now its hard to see beyond the immediate. I know that after just two more treatments (a month and a half?) I should go back to feeling more normal. But then when I am able to look past right now, all I can see is the next hurdle or two I'll have to take on. <br />
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Everyone keeps telling me to take it easy on myself and relax. They keep telling me that its completely normal to be feeling all of this and that it makes perfect sense. That its fine if I don't want to do anything. And I see all of this. I comprehend it. And I don't disagree. The problem is that I know I'm capable of more. I know that my pre-chemo self had lazy and disconnected moments, but they never lasted for nearly 6 weeks at a time. In the first week and a half after treatment even simple tasks seem too much to accomplish. Its not that I lack energy most of the time, its more that I lack motivation and drive. <br />
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Which brings me to another problem. I feel like I've become such a downer. I don't want to be a whiner, but I feel like all I have to talk about these days are symptoms and side effects. It doesn't make for very interesting conversation. So I've found myself talking less and less... I have few new things to say that don't involve chemo and cancer.<br />
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Last week I received my 4th chemo treatment -- now I am officially more than halfway done with chemo. Its sounds huge but it still feels so immense to have to go through 2 more rounds. Once I get through the first few days it always gets easier, but when I'm actually going through those early days, it feels endless. And even though I'm getting used to it and know about what to expect, the whole thing is just getting to be so tiresome. I know I should be happy that I'm almost done with chemo, but it just feels so monotonous -- which I know sounds odd. The scary new-ness of it all has worn off and now it is just this tedious thing that I have to do, that's hard and no fun and not "exciting" anymore. Not that this was ever what I would call exciting in the positive sense of the word, but more in an uncharted territory, start of a fight way. <br />
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I'm still have the positive attitude about the end result, but my resolve is just starting to wear thin regarding the day-to-day battle. <br />
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This post is starting to seem more like a rant than anything else, so I'll go ahead and wrap it up. I hope everyone has a wonderful new year. I'm hoping 2011 is going to be better than 2010 turned out to be.Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-20526264891931213742010-11-17T22:04:00.000-05:002010-11-17T22:05:13.949-05:00Down but not outSo the second round of chemo has been better and not so better. The physical side effects have not been as bad this time around... still lots of tiredness, but not the same level of physical discomfort. The problem this time around has been mental. As I've recently learned, depression is a common side effect of chemo. I started feeling the effects on Monday and then again today. And it seems to hit me most in the morning. <br />
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I mostly hate this new side effect because it is so unlike me. I'm usually a pretty upbeat, optimistic person and I hate having these thoughts that I'm not in control of. It makes complete sense, of course, that I would have to deal with this since my whole body is now completely chemically imbalanced and my hormones are out of whack. But I still don't like it. Not one bit. I know I can get through this, its just hard to deal with right now because I can't see the end of it. <br />
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The other side effect I'm having is being very anti-clutter and things. I used to enjoy shopping and buying things but now I just feel like I have too much stuff and no place to put any of it. Ben is doing a great job dealing with my anti-clutter tendencies. He's been so patient and strong through all of this and I'm so lucky to have him as a support. I'm also lucky to have the rest of you in my strong network of support -- you really help keep me going with your words of support. So, thank you.<br />
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I start back at work tomorrow, so I think that should keep me distracted and occupied for the time being. I also need to find a hobby, so any suggestions are welcome. <br />
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Here's hoping my new medicine helps me out of this funk.Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-73784151239187200042010-11-14T16:28:00.000-05:002010-11-14T16:28:20.010-05:00Hit me with your best shotSo I've received round 2 of chemo and now I'm recovering (so not quite done with the round yet from my perspective). I've been feeling pretty blah and sluggish, but if I take a step back and look at it in perspective, I'm doing okay. I'm definitely still not with it, but I'm not hugging the toilet either. <br />
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The weather has been beautiful this weekend, but I've mostly been inside laying on the couch. Yesterday Ben reorganized our big hall closet and cleaned the apartment for me, which was incredible and made my day. Its amazing how happy vacuuming can make a person. Today I made him go outside, enjoy the weather and play some paintball and I am hanging out at my parents house, getting waited on hand and foot. So all in all, even though I don't feel like normal, it could be worse. <br />
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Even though I've been dealing with the reality of breast cancer for a little while now, I still have these moments of disbelief. Its a very strange thing to be going through at any age, but sometimes it just seems so unreal. I'm still holding on to the hope that when I get done with all of this, I will be a much stronger person, able to deftly handle anything life throws at me. Here's hoping....Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-18125331567074781202010-11-10T21:18:00.000-05:002010-11-10T21:18:26.727-05:00Round Two... Ding! Ding!After tomorrow I will be 33% done with my chemo treatments. <br />
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That's right, I get to look forward to round two of chemo! While I know it won't be a few weekend, I do take comfort in knowing that I will feel like normal again and that it doesn't knock me out for the entire three weeks. <br />
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I went to my oncologist today and she told me that I was progressing very well in my treatment, so Ben and I went out to celebrate with Thai food. <br />
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In other news, my head is starting to get sensitive and is getting a little spotty, so I think my buzz cut may soon go the way of the rest of my hair, but it hardly matters anymore. Once you are GI Jane, who cares if you then become Mr. Clean. I'm really digging the scarf look and my new earrings. Now I just need to procure more scarves to expand my head wear wardrobe. <br />
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Here's hoping that round two isn't any worse than round one (and here's hoping it goes ever better)!Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-83426824032875128582010-11-07T08:43:00.000-05:002010-11-07T08:43:00.797-05:00Chemo is not the only type of therapyThere is also retail therapy, which I received a healthy dose of yesterday. I procured big earrings to go with my new head scarf look, a few new winter hats, a pair of warm gloves, some cute decorative items, the very early stages of a Christmas present and a few Christmas decorations/wrappings. <br />
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I heard Christmas music piping into a store for the first time this season and had a beverage in my first Starbucks red cup of the season, so its safe to say that I am officially in the mood for Christmas. Now Ben just has to keep me from putting up the tree for another 3 weeks. Good luck to him.<br />
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I also had the opportunity to meet up with a few friends yesterday, Amy in the morning and Shannon in the afternoon. It was great to be able to just hang out with friends, have coffee and go shopping. I have noticed that I have less patience for stores right now -- guess I'll be doing a lot of online shopping this Christmas. <br />
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I ended the day going out to dinner with my parents to celebrate my dad's birthday. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good day. Today, once I make it back up to Alexandria, my mission is to clean, clean, clean... we'll see how well I stick to that objective.<br />
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Thanks for all the comments and support for my new hairdos -- I have to say I'm really digging my cue ball head.<br />
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Now my weekend would be complete if someone could tell me why my brand new ipod nano won't charge with my old ipod car charger and/or docking station.Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-69247817900969269942010-11-04T18:10:00.000-04:002010-11-04T18:10:58.711-04:00Is there a draft in here?I did it. This morning I went and had my head shaved. It was very emotional, but once it was all over, I have to say that I felt pretty empowered. And I actually feel like a bad ass right now, so I'll post a picture of what everyone says is my perfectly shaped head.<br />
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So now you can call me GI Jane, Sinead O'Connor or V for Vendetta, but I'm feeling pretty okay about it. Its definitely a new, attention getting haircut that isn't boring.<br />
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I'm feeling pretty victorious today, so "yay me!"<br />
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Much love to everyone for your kind thoughts and words through this whole thing.<br />
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ErinPink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-28765778939764510412010-11-03T19:36:00.000-04:002010-11-03T19:36:31.956-04:00Daily GrindI've been back at work for a week now and it hasn't been easy. I'm super tired and my brain just doesn't function quite as quickly as it used to. I'm trying my best to keep up with everything, but it all feels a little harder than it did before and I struggle just a little more than I think I should. Its extremely frustrating.<br />
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I went to a support group for young women with breast cancer last night, but it didn't really help me all that much. I went expecting to meet someone about my age in the same point in treatment as me, but instead I met with a group of very nice and strong women who are on the other side of chemo and surgery and are probably in their 30's. It helped a little to see that there is life beyond chemo, but it didn't help to hear about the issues they were still dealing with. It deflated me a little and made everything a bit more frustrating.<br />
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In other news, I think my head is starting to feel tingly, so I think tomorrow might be the day that I finally lose my hair. I thought I had come to terms with it, but now the more that I think about it, the more emotional I become. It wouldn't be such a big deal if I were a man, but there's just something about a bald woman that makes heads turns. Once I lose my hair, I am officially a wig-wearing, scarf-tying cancer patient -- I've been able to pretend I wasn't up until now.<br />
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Bottom line, I'm doing okay, but its been a long and frustrating week. Here's hoping things turn around soon, so I can get back to my positive attitude.<br />
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ErinPink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-7427970757619055072010-10-31T00:04:00.000-04:002010-10-31T00:04:04.671-04:00Perfect Fall DayToday ended up being the perfect fall day. Ben and I slept in late and then instead of going to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear (I thought it might be a bit too much for me to handle -- sorry Ben), we made french toast and then went off to spend the day at Mount Vernon like good NOVA yuppies. <br />
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It finally felt like Autumn outside today and it was the perfect day to traipse around the ground of Mount Vernon (my favorite part was sitting in front of the house overlooking the Potomac for a few minutes while we waited for our house tour).<br />
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After exploring the grounds, we went to the gift shop where Ben purchased a Mount Vernon cookbook (he claims it has good soup recipes) and mini flags for his office, and I purchased a bar of lemon soap and a count cross-stich Christmas stocking pattern kit. And no, this does not make me old, it makes me crafty. It also means I am officially in the holiday spirit: Bring on November!<br />
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Once we were done with Mount Vernon, we headed over to Rustico (a favorite restaruant and extraordinary beer bar) near Old Town Alexandria. We sat at the bar for a couple hours and had some good food and beer. After dinner, we went next door to Buzz for coffee (first gingerbread latte of the season!) and then came home. <br />
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We are now watching the Washington Capitals hockey game and are enjoying watching them trounce the Calgary Flames. Go CAPS! I wish I could actually go to a game in person though. <br />
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The cross-stich purchase earlier put me in a crafty mood, so I picked up some old knitting and I finished a scarf tonight and started on a soft winter hat. Now if only I had the energy to clean... ;o)<br />
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I have to say that I am feeling great today (and yesterday)! Definitely not perfect but anything above 85% is perfect in my book these days. And I'm so glad that I now know that I won't feel like crap everyday and that it really does get better. It sucks knowing that I will have to go back for more treatments and that I will have to feel bad again -- but I just have to stick it out and I'll get back to feeling good again. <br />
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This next week will present some interesting challenges I think. It will be my first full week back at work and I think it might be the week when I finally lose my hair. The idea of losing my hair doesn't freak me out as much as it did originally, but its still a lot to wrap my head around and I'm feeling pretty nervous about the whole thing. I'm hoping it all just ends up being much easier to deal with than I think it will be, just like everything else has been so far.<br />
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Okay going to finish watching the CAPS win!<br />
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Much love to you all!<br />
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ErinPink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-62686026160725804722010-10-29T16:34:00.000-04:002010-10-29T16:34:05.824-04:00Back in the Saddle<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So I started back to work yesterday after taking a few days off to recover from my first treatment. I was pretty wiped out from Saturday to Wednesday. I was very tired, had a lot of back pain (from my shot), was grumpy and emotional and was very agitated and antsy -- just nothing felt right and I could not get comfortable at any time. I also suffered from some restless, sleepless nights before discovering the joys of Ambiene. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">By this point I've figured out the ins and outs of all of my drugs and have finally gotten them down so that I can feel relatively normal and not feel like I want to jump out of my skin -- so that's a positive. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I continue to feel better and stronger everyday. I guess the hard part is knowing that I'm working toward a ticking clock and in a week and a half, I'm going to have to get injected again and start the process over. At least this time I know what to expect and can hopefully head off some of the symptoms before they start. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have not done a very good job with keeping in touch with people over the last few days and I apologize. It really was all I could do not to jump out of my skin, and I had no patience for the internet. Now that I'm back to my "almost normal" self, I should be much more responsive. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A few weeks ago, Ben and I went to the FDR Memorial and the Jefferson memorial one evening. It was very beautiful at night and not at all crowded. I had recently found out that I would have to undergo chemo and I was thoroughly freaked out by the whole thing. While at the FDR Memorial, I saw this quote etched at the entrance behind a statue of FDR in his wheelchair and it really struck me:</span><br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Franklin's illness gave him strength and courage he had not had before. He had to think out the fundamentals of living and learn the greatest of all lessons -- infinite patience and never-ending persistence." - Eleanor Roosevelt</span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And I can only hope that I too can gain this patience and persistence from my situation and I learn to take things slowly and appreciate more of the everyday joys.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As for this weekend, I'm not sure yet what we have planned. There is the March to Retore Sanity happening on Capitol Hill this weekend, but we'll have to see how I'm feeling. I know Ben is psyched for a new TV show called "The Walking Dead" on Sunday (its a zombie show). And I wouldn't mind trying to find a Halloween Party or event, now that I have the best costume (thanks to my office costume party). I'll post a picture. Let me know if you have an suggestions!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Love you all!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Erin</span>Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-58740459168594967522010-10-22T22:29:00.000-04:002010-10-22T22:29:31.069-04:00RollercoasterToday was a bit of an up and down day. I started off at at the doctor's office getting a shot of Nuelasta (helps push my reserves of while blood cells out into my body to make up for some of the ones I'm losing from my chemo treatment), which was easy enough. Then I went to lunch with my mom at Le Madeline for some soup. And finally I ended up at the hair salon to get my transitional haircut (Photos pending). <br />
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My thought is that if I'm going to lose my hair in two weeks, it will be much easier to lose half of it, rather than the really long hair I had. Now I have just above shoulder length hair to get me through the next few days. I had a wonderful experience at the salon and the hair dresser I had (I forgot to ask his name) was absolutely wonderful. I had a few friends from AH&A come down to join me (since the salon was just down the street), and of course my fabulous mother was there. After the hair cut was over, I walked up to AH&A to say high to some old friends and it turned out to be a fantastic afternoon. Thanks to you all. <br />
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I came home to find that Ben had gotten out of work early, so we spent a little time cleaning and organizing the apartment with my mom. The place still doesn't look fantastic, but its hard to keep things clean when you have other things on your mind. ;o) <br />
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During the cleaning, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown -- as my mom described it, all of the drugs and chemicals they have been pumping into my body have finally worked their wait to the surface. Overall I feel fine, I guess I just needed to let it out a little. <br />
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My wonderful, wonderful boyfriend Ben then went to the grocery store for me and made me a chili cheese baked potato which, oddly enough, was <u>exactly</u> what I needed. And while he was at the store, I got to finish watching "The Holiday", which is one of my favorite movies, and despite how much he loves me, I know I couldn't make him sit through watching that. :o) My dad came up to take my mom home so for awhile the gang was all here and we were able to have sort of dinner together.<br />
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Now I'm anxious about tomorrow. They say that days 3 and 4 could be the day when could start really feeling symptoms of chemo and up until now, I've feel largely fine. I just hope I don't get hit too hard -- I really would like to sail through this without much trouble -- is that too much to ask?<br />
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Thank you again for all of the thoughts and and good vibes. It makes me smile to see all of your well wishes and helps to keep me going through all of this.Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-17138631605389690852010-10-21T23:08:00.000-04:002010-10-21T23:08:07.114-04:00Chemical PartySo today was the big day: Chemo treatment #1. In general it wasn't that bad. I was there for 4 hours, but the first hour or so was just an IV drop with anti-nausea medications -- in the future I'll be taking those in a pill form in advance, so that should short my treatments some. I felt fine the entire time I was there, except for a small sinus headache that they alleviated by slowing the drip on my IV. Once I was done the headache came back and I haven't quite been able to shake it, but it hasn't been too bad. I've also felt just a twinge of queasiness but really not that bad. <br />
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I'm getting chemo at my oncologists office, and its in a room that has 4 chairs in it so I get to make new friends while I am there. I did meet one woman today who also has breast cancer and she is on the younger side. She was also receiving her first treatment today so it was good to have someone to talk to who could relate.<br />
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Since I've been home, I've just been relaxing and letting my day nurse and evening nurse take care of me (read: my parents and Ben). I thought that the Caps might be able to pull out a win for me tonight, but apparently they didn't get the memo...<br />
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Now for a recap on the rest of this week:<br />
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Tuesday - I went to have a MUGA heart scan (its a pretty simple procedure: they inject you with radioactive dye, then you sit on a chair for about 20 minutes and a small plate takes pictures of your heart). This would have been fairly uneventful if it hadn't been for the company I had. While I was getting the scan behind a curtain (and supposed to be perfectly still) they brought in the next patient to start an IV on (while I had done 30 minutes or so earlier). And guess who it was? Waffles and yogurt woman from my chemo class -- I instantly knew when I heard her voice, though I never actually got to see her. I listened to her antics as she IV and had to try extra hard not to laugh while on the machine. <br />
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Wednesday - I started off the day at Alexandria hospital so that I could get my mediport placed in my chest. This is there so that I can get my chemo drugs and blood work through it instead of a standard IV. When I went into the operating room, they had a wonderful hot air pad and warming blanket that felt so wonderful when I woke up from my twilight sleep (slept through the whole thing and don't remember a thing). Coming out of the twilight sleep was so pleasant -- mostly because the bed was so cozy. Once I woke up and had a quick 15 minute recovery, I had to rush down to Stafford for a dentist appointment that I was already late for. Luckily they were still able to work me in and I was all set to go for my first chemo treatment today.<br />
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Last night the port surgery took it s toll and I had a hard time sleeping because my muscles were sore and the bandages were pulling my skin, but I'm hoping tonight goes better since I had some of the bandages taken off. Interestingly enough, last night was the first time I had trouble sleeping since being diagnosed -- probably because I've just been exhausted at the end of everyday.<br />
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Sorry this post is mostly the boring detail stuff but I'm out of funny and witty insights at the moment. I'm off to bed soon, but I'll check in again soon.<br />
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Thank you to everyone for all of the positive thoughts today!Pink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8235802151950882433.post-46094916836304710012010-10-18T20:39:00.000-04:002010-10-18T20:39:11.154-04:00My life is a Lifetime movie.Its a very odd moment when you realize that your life has become a Lifetime movie. I mean, I really have seen a movie that is eerily similar to at least the beginnings of my situation. Its the one where a 27 year old female whose happy and has a relatively normal life is diagnosed with breast cancer despite having little to no family history. She's diagnosed, spends the next few weeks trying to comprehend and then, as with all "good" Lifetime movies, hijinks ensue. <br />
And I think it might be a cosmic joke that I was diagnosed right before October, which as we all know is Breast Cancer Awareness month. The first week or two were difficult to handle. Every time I saw pink or someone promoting it I just felt bitter, but as I've progressed and accepted everything I've begun to appreciate the significance of having a very well-funded ailment. So for now, my feelings about the color pink are mixed -- I guess its still a love/hate relationship.<br />
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In general, this whole experience has been very unique. Its been everything from frustrating and upsetting to hilarious and touching. As you can imagine, dealing with doctors, labs and insurance companies is not very fun -- and when you try to cram everything into 3 weeks, it gets very challenging to say the least. But I do have to say that its been great to know that I have so many people standing behind me through this. The support that I've received from everyone that knows has been so touching and it helps to have so many people who are there to help me out and make me smile through all of this. So thank you to everyone who has sent positive thoughts my way and been so supportive.<br />
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There are a lot of overwhelming aspects of having breast cancer, but the first major hurdle I have to clear is chemo. I start treatment this week -- just 3 weeks after receiving my diagnosis and I barely feel prepared for it. I've gone out and purchased all of the recommended comfort and care items. I've started to put together a "bag o' fun" to take with me on treatment days. I've started wig/scarf shopping (yes, I will have the pleasure of going "G.I. Jane"). I've attended "Chemo 101" through my doctor's office where I met an interesting cast of characters who are also about to begin treatment (and I can tell you that watching someone eat Eggo waffles doused in yogurt at 9am in the morning is, while highly disgusting, actually a great distraction from feeling upset about the chemo side effects -- it really helps you channel your bad feelings toward the idiot eating it). But even after all of this, I still don't really feel prepared. <br />
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I keep thinking when I'm done with all of this, I will be a stronger person. And I hope that I can use this experience and turn it into something positive one day. Until then, I will just try to stay positive and get through one day at a time. So let the countdown begin -- I should hopefully be done with chemo sometime in early March. Then its time for a little surgery, maybe some radiation...piece of cake!<br />
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In an attempt to keep everyone updated and hopefully to give me something therapeutic to do, I've started this blog. We'll see how successful I am at keeping it up to date -- I will do my best. And please, keep those distractions coming.<br />
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Love you all!<br />
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ErinPink Aversionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00836891085468861541noreply@blogger.com6